I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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