I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
