i permit you to call me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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