His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
