there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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