I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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