can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
