You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
