I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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