apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
