woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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