she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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