I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
