I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
