Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
