Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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