so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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