I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Your penis caused this!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize