one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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