I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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