I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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