I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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