Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize