We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just google imaged poop.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
