people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
