Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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