I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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