Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
