I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
