Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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