Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think people are normalizing furries
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