Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
