dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
