The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
