is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
