Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
