Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
