Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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