She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
