i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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