Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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