I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize