I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
