Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
