she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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