ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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