i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
