He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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