no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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