We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
