he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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