I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
