So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
