Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
