I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
