Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
