I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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