I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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