Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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