Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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