Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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