She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
