I need help removing her.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize