I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize