trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
