I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
