sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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