I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I skipped work to stalk him.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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