We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
