U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
