I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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