Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
