why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
