bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
