I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
