then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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