She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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