I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
