I will die if light touches me.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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