GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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