i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
pray to the hookup gods
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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