no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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