Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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