sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
