but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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