I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just threw up on my dentist
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
