Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
