its not stalking. its research.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
