walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
