Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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