apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
