Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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