is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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