I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
