...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
