I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize