Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
