I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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