So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
