I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
