I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
