I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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