New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
