He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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