i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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