Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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