i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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