The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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